dont promise if you cant keep it.

2006-02-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

this blog has gone down the drain. *waves*

ciao.

L O V E

2005-10-30T20:11:00.000-08:00

had a sudden urge to blog today. just as wel,, considering i havent been blogging forever. and i absolutely adore Nat King Cole! especially L O V E. especially this part,

love is all that i can give to you
love is more than just a game for two
two in love can make it
take my heart and please dont break it
love was made for me and you

sweetness! its the simple songs like that that are really romantic.

havent been writing for a long time now. i used to love writing stories, still do. im just afraid that whatever i write will not be good enough, or as good as the last, and that just spoils the whole thing of it. i seriously envy those who can effortlessly write some really romantic, and funny. oh, and anyone who can write a really long entry and still make it interesting. thats something i still cant figure. in fact, i shall stop here, have nothing better to blog now.

random thoughts

2005-07-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

has been ages since i wrote again.

ndp practice was actually not bad, had a good day. i hardly ever say that, do i? lol. and there was adrain pang! he looks even better in person, really. HA.

woke up at some ungodly hour to do the laundry today. think i forgot to turn on the water though. hope i didnt screw the machine up.

have been getting into one of my weird moods again. it shows, doesnt it. its like i can say anything comprehensible at all. been reading the bible in bits lately. we were just talking about christianity and all that stuff at ndp. its weird actually. how do you believe in something that you've never even seen? or even hear? for all you know it could be fake. some guy fibs about something five thousand years ago, and no one knows the truth right?

and even if you can actually feel it, its just because you believe, isnt it? like if the same good thing happens to two people, one could be like, oh, its a gift from God, cos he believes. and the oher could be like, oh, i knew something GOOD would happen.

same logic for the whole believing thing.

its interesting, karmens thinking of being satanic. *envisions devil horns poking out of head. LOL. you know, those hairband things that they sell with the glow in the dark devil horns sticking out? pretty cute actually.

no one would actually know anyway. except for the when the whole world floods and we all die except for the strong believers thing. thats freaky. like, i remember my teacher saying something about that a long time ago and i actually got scared. except that she was all, be good and dont tell lies esque or you'll fry up in hell. okay, not her exact words, but something close.

i mean, just imagine everyone all burning in this big pot in hell. mmmm. it sounds like, cooking chicken doesnt it?

Devil one *fishes out half burnt human from pot*

Devil two *tastes flesh* this one needs a darker roast.

Devil one *dumps human back into pot*

dumb i know, but just a random example.

shall just leave things as they are now. have to go check the washing machine.

2005-06-19T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's the heart afraid of breakingthat never learns to dance
It's the one who won't be takenwho cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live

another quiz

2005-06-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

another personality test, got it from my brothers poly text. interesting aint it, what they learn there. nothing like the boring old jc stuff. hahs.

this one's a phisy *pun not intended personality test, and im exactly in between a colourful guppy and a peaceful angelfish, HAH, which means that im relational. very much feeling and people oriented.

colourful guppy

shall just type in the basic stuff here

strengths

colourful, cheerful, cute ??? *big blank look, confident carefree, creative, enthusiastic, humourous, warm, interesting, encouraging, optimistic *yeah right, exciting

check points

playful in excess nods sheepishly hahs, naive, forgetful, fickle minded, over commited, lack perseverance and commitment, unpredictable, haphazard

keep in mind

time management, emotional control, pay attention to details

peaceful angelfish

strengths

calm, peaceful, mediating, amiable, kind, patient LOL, cooperative, non assertive, easygoing, agreeable and obliging for the most part, contented, consistent, pleasant, restrained, good listener

check points

overly compromising, aimless lacking in drive and ambition so very true, lack initiative, lazy was this made just for me? , too slow AHA , worrisome, pessimistic see this WAS made for me, indifferent

keep in mind

understanding that change is sometimes necessary, could provide opportunities, friendship isnt everything thought it is important, explore more efficient ways, not just the smae old ways, has to see value in oneself

pretty true, for some parts. lol.

a brainless musing

2005-06-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

my heart will go on
love was when i loved you
one true time i hold you

saw you up close
but i missed
and you were gone
the chance was lost
if only there was
a once more

mindless state

2005-06-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

rahh. here i am, finally writing something. i feel like changing my blog again! this is getting boring.

and i shall write about the mj concert! it was really, really great. ahas. especially the musical part. saw hengjo, olivia, christopher, uh, billy and the rest there. was waving for the third time before christopher recognised me. lol. interesting grey hair billy has. and someone hought he was christophers dad! spasms of laughter.

saw that guy again, only he wasnt in the choir. was wearing this grey shirt with a bunch of guys. hm, and they said he looked like a dad. or rather just mature. *muses in thought. lol. but hes just soo cute. Aaah. okay, i see you rolling your eyes. i shall just be carried away in bimbotism for once.

and ndp practise wasnt so bad, tiring, but there's always the army guys for eye candy. GRIN. lol, im kidding. was pretty fun actually. and sandy wanted to get that bendemeer guys number. hahs. but there was no time. aw. but she was saying yuan hao is way cuter no? dismisses with a wave of hand. he isnt even close to that mj guy. LOL.

okay, have been blogging about relatively mindless stuff, till now.

personality

2005-05-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

S
stable, steady

general characteristics
good listener; team player okay this is true
possesive uh?? ah no.
steady; predictable hm. predictable, possibly? hahs.
understanding; friendly hahs. true.

value to team
reliable and dependable i guess?
loyal team worker hmm.
compliant towards authority perhaps too much so. i should rebel!
good listener; patient and emphathetic true.
good at reconciling conflicts thats provided if im not part of it. ha.

possible weakness
resists change true.
takes a long time to adjust to change very true.
holds a grudge; hm no. sensitive to criticism hm. true. hahs.
difficulty establishing priorities very very true. nods sheepishly.

cool aint it. love doing personality tests like this. and this is pretty much accurate too!

got a glimpse of our report card today, and this is nothing good. three fails! what the hell. poa forty nine point nine. miserable dud heads. denying me of a pass zero point one mark away. and yes, failed a and e maths. with tution, whats more! and to think i could still scrape a pass without tution last term. i am seriously in deep shit. wonder how moms reaction will be like. furiously angry, no doubt.

going to mj concert tomorrow. my last chance of freedom! went to mj with sandy yesterday, to get her concert ticket. and there was this guy at the booth. very cute! goes delirious. sandy must be sick of hearing me say how cute he is. hahs. lets hope i see him at the concert tomorrow. grin.

listening to the half recorded version of green days holiday now. music player in com is pretty much screwed, so song is only half way played. absolutely love that song! my favourite among all the green day hits. *thumbs up. the singer sounds a bit different, doesnt he?

inadequete

2005-05-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

come here little kiddies on my lap
Guess who's back with a brand new rap
And I don't mean rap as in a new case
Of child investigates and accusates
Ah ah ah ah ah, no worries
Papa's got a brand new bag of toys
What else could I possibly do to make noise?
I've done touched on everything but little boys
That's not a stab at Michael That's just a metaphor,
I'm just psychoI go a little bit crazy sometimes
I get a little bit out of control with my rhymes

my favourite part of the rap. cool huh. love anything by eminem.

today is a pretty good day did nothing much but play cards and sleep. yes. must be due to the holiness of The Purpose Driven Life. seriously, it feels like reading the bible. not that it is a bad thing. it just feels draggy, or rather its just me.

im in one of my inadequete moods. everything feels inadequete. life's not good enough, im not nice enough, BAH, my results are never good enough , which is sorely my own fault, hah, things arent fun enough, im not good looking enough. you get the picure.

it sucks to be in a mood like this, nothing seems to get better. the last thing i need is a scream in my ear.

jie lin ah, ji dian le, zeng tian zhi hui yong dian nao, ni kao bu ji ge ni jiu zhi dao...

yada yada. im going. shoo.

something worthwhile

2005-05-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

The Day i fell in love for real diana seretis

"Diana! Diana! DIANA!" my eyes flew open and tried to adjust to the light covering every single inch of my strak white walled room. "What? Who? Huh? Okay im up!" it was 1.45 am and I was going to be late for school again. As i stumbled into the shower with warm water running over my dace, I can remember thinking, " oh no. another day of school. same old, same old. BORING!"

I got into my car, put on my most "rev me up" cd i could find and blasted it the whole way to school. Surely by then i'd be awake. I got to school a bit late and practically ran to my first period class. loads of fun at 8 in the morning! groggy and not that interested in maths as eight in the morning, I took no notice of anyone in the class or the fact that they were looking at me a tad weird, because this was a Diana they'd not seen before. not only was i half an hour late, but also my hair was soaking wet and not combed, this was from a girl with the best hair in the entire school! On this day, i was in jeans and a sweatshirt. i had no makeup on, which was highly unusual, considering i could never go anywhere without full scale make up. always self conscious, i always looked my very best. in fact, my lie revolved around looking good. everyone expected it from me. and i never let them down.

so here am i, sitting in class, wet hair, no makeup, ordinary clothes. i had to think about that. so would everyone stop liking me and thinking i was a nice person? no. would they think i was no longer smart or funny? no. hey, im running late. i have wet hair and no makeup, so? i am not my wardrobe, i am not my makeup. wes, i love those things but they no longer define me!

As louise hay says, " loving ourselves works miracles in our lives." how true that is. and on this day, i got it, what it really means to be "comfortable in your own skin." and for some reason, everything fell into place. i was going to stop working so hard at fitting somebody else's ideal. it was one of the most liberating days in my life. seeing how people are fickle creatures, always waiting for someone else to say "i love you" so as to feel loved and be lovable, is limited thinking and not such a good plan. you've got to be your own number one love. always, you want someone to love you, thats for sure. but i dont need someone to say "i love you" in order for me to feel loved. im over that limited thinking. finally, i know what "true" love means. finally, ive fallen in love with myself. and its a totally awesome and comforting feeling.

heres something out of a taste berries book. corny, it seems, reading one of those inspirational stuff, but its still a really nice book. next time i will but something else here.

i am finally writing something here, surprise SURPRISE. goading me into writing works.

somehow, its weird, how much we dont know about ourselves. or maybe thats just for me. i am absolutely sure i know nothing about myself, for the most part. everyday feels like a passing day, almost like swimming in mud. i dont know where i am now, or what im going to do next. would i end up slacking throughtout the rest of the year. which is an extremely tempting thought. still. back to swimming in mud. it always feels that way, when i have got nothing figured. i could always try asking the what do you thing about me esque stuff, but it comes down to nothing. or does it.

oh. these ramblings. i know, i see your HUH is she getting delusional look. i dont even know what im saying! my brain is getting more inane than ever. that is depressing, i never thought it could get worse, but apparently my brain is failing me.

snapping back to reality. exams are finally over! this feels great. finally im back to my sitting around and doing nothing days. i dont even have to think at all! oh well. but im trying to stay off food, ive been snacking on 2 prawn cracker packs and a chocolate bar while doing nothing but cramming up on books. sinful. i shall attempt to stay off food.

sweet dreams

2005-04-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

sweet dreams

It's gonna be another day with the sunshine
the suns rays shine brightly outside of my window,
when my half-opened eyes are finally opened
i invision your face and it welcomes me...

your lips slightly brush against my cheeks,
as you whisper that you love me
inside my head is the morning coffee,
am i dreaming?

It's gonna be another day with the sunshine
the suns rays shine brightly outside of my window,
when my half-opened eyes are finally opened
i invision your face and it welcomes me...

When we can get together I feel paradise
there's nothing that can make me happier than this,
yes, that has to be right
because right now you are by my side

my name, because it was so common,
even i didn't like it but when you call me, i only think of it prettily

It's gonna be another day with the sunshine
you make me feel beautiful,
will you please hold me will you tell me that you love me...
When we can get together I feel paradise because finally,
i feel like the main character in the movies,
receiving love
i was reborn in your heart

right this moment,
there can't be anyone happier than me
please don't make it break, don't break it,
don't tell me i'm dreaming...

It's gonna be another day with the sunshine
the suns rays shine brightly outside of my window,
when my half-opened eyes are finally opened
i invision your face and it welcomes me...

When we can get together I feel paradise
there's nothing that can make me happier than this,
yes, that has to be right
because right now you are by my side

It's gonna be another day with the sunshine
you make me feel beautiful,
will you please hold me
will you tell me that you love me...

When we can get together I feel paradise because finally,
i feel like the main character in the movies,
receiving love
i was reborn in your heart

love this song

mr saiful left yeasterday. sad. he is seriously the best english teacher ever. lol. can you believe hes a zouk dj?? envision me screaming here. cant imagine what it would be like, having azrina back again, with that pyjamas style stuff and all. sandy will be sorely missing her water droplet!

jay chous songs are addictive. am listening to qing tian right now. would like to hear an jing, but cant be bothered to download it now. unless anyone has it, then you can send me. haha.

stupid msn! spent the past hour trying to down load it again, and it screwed. shit of a thing.

i seriously wonder how some people can write really long stuff and it still satys interesting. me, i cant even write a paragraph without losing my train of thought, thanks to my inane brain ability. oh no. i should really be studying. the only reason im using this now is because mom and dad are out. yay. exams are starting in about a week, and i havent been doing anything. unless you count in one chinese chapter and a bit of chem, theres nothing else i did. nada. if i flunk i am so going to deserve it. screw me.

so right after this i am going to study. i am! after lunch. and thats provided i dont get distracted by anything else at all, which would take nothing short of a miracle. right.

2005-04-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

i feel like changing my blog, this is getting so boring.

just read olivias blog and yeah the good ol primary school days. ah. and of cos, miss hasnah. that skirt thing. hilarious. just in case if you're wondering, she came into the class with her skirt unzipped. in the first few seconds i was all blur when everyone else was laughing their asses off. i bet. too bad someone discreetly told her about it. i mean, she could have walked half the school with her skirt unzipped could she. that would be doubly hilarious then.

that was back when everything seemed so innocent and just light hearted. and now when you go back it doesnt seem the same anymore.

and back at the other day at mac when the three of us were reminiscing. its strange, that word. somehow, its just contradicting. you feel sad when you reminise, but you're happy that it happened. and even though thinking about it makes you sadder, you just want to think. oh well.

and yeah, just found out, like a few days ago that my dads called raymond too. cringes, when i think about ray from my class. double cringe. he wanted to call my brother michael, and me chloe or phoebe. its weird, imagine calling him michael. brandon suits him to a tad. and me. chloe foo or phoebe foo. i like those names, why didnt he just call me that?

and we all have our chemical names
denise=silicone. ahahaa. sounds like silicone something.
sandy=sulphur
karmen=potato
me=phoebe=lead
chloe=chlorine

i think i'll take phoebe then. lol. it does sound nice, but different. oh well.

something inspirational

2005-04-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

could be something inspirational.

Today
This is the beginning
of a New Day
God has given me this day
to use it as i will.
I can waste it
or grow in its light
and be of service to others.
But what I do
witth this day is important
because I have exchanged
a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes,
today will be gone forever.
I hope I will not regret
the price I paid for it

im feeling weird. like is that ever a surprise, i never do feel anything but weird or bored or sad. this is somewhat pathetic, my life revolves only around morbidness. and ive noticed, i never seem to be anything but depressing whenever i write something here.

and yay, our choir got gold for SYF. thats something worth gloating over, and we are the first batch too. HA.

i've been sucha weird freak lately, my mood fluctuating between high and low. there's something lacking, and i don't know what is it. and all of a sudden i think i should be sent to the SPCA, you know, like one of those sad little puppies with one eye missing or something. that could be funny, me in a cage with a price tag attached.

got a really bad feeling about him, and im thinking if only i dont see him that much after all, everything would just be normal, but no, i seem to be bumping everywhere. if you notice a while, he appears far from perfect, unlike the initial impression that he gives you. and really, im not talking about who you think i am, just in case you're wondering.

i have a sudden liking for this name: renee. spelt r.e.n.e.e, its pronounced as r.e.n.a.e. nice, isnt it? i like ambiguous names like that, something that has a different pronounciation from its spelling. i've half decided on this, although im nothing but indecisive and i rarely reach a final decision on something.

thats just me i suppose: indecisive, trying too hard, easygoing, blur, constantly on the lookout for fun, lazy. and what else. i might have finally got it figured out, or maybe i havent, what kind of person that i am.

2005-03-14T15:23:00.000-08:00

fuck this thing, i can throw it out of the window. it took three knocks with the calendar to get it right, and now its back to hanging every fifteen seconds. oh, and i really hve to thanks my brother for this, for screwing up my friendster, msn messenger and window media player and by installing or deleting everything halfway so i can neither delete or reinstall anything. thank you and i LOVE you so much.

and now he's back to stalking someone else, some church girl. not that it matters, im just stating it. its just lately that he seems not so bad. but still halfway irritating. or is it just me, being so picky. it must come from expecting too much.

i just love colours.

and i finally noticed.

2005-03-07T18:12:00.001-08:00

yay. im finally blogging.

i have been feeling very weird lately, kind of being stuck in a bad mood, or the feeling the something is going to crop up. and the very good news is, im going to flunk all my ss, e maths, a maths and elect. geog paper. oh my goodness. i am already taking elect. geog and i cant even manage a passing grade. go ahead, throw eggs at me.

and today, i just realised something new, could be a good thing. ray could actually be kind of a sensitive and attentive stead, you know. like, how did that come to my realisation? goodness.

he keeps pointing out that im ever switching between my shoes. would actually be not bad at all, except that i didnt hire a full day bodyguard. but theres no point to it.

and this is what ive found:

Mon March 7, 2005

Ugh. Life feels like hard work. For a start, you might be rather tired and weary, making everything seem like more of an effort than usual. And you will also have to cope with problems connected with your finances. If you get some unpleasant news that gives you a sinking feeling, there's nothing you can do about it for the time being. Be patient, even if that seems almost out of the question.

and its pretty accurate, really. especially that part about hearing something bad.

2005-03-07T18:12:00.000-08:00

oh well.

2005-01-29T12:49:00.000-08:00

I seem to be lacking enthusiasm, too much of it in fact. Everything seems like a drag, I seem to be feeling only the weight of a thousand bunch of fat clowns that are supposedly supposed to make people happy but just ends up scares them away instead sitting on me, and absolutely nothing else. Whatever happened to all that nonsense about feeling inner peace and admiring the beauty of nature and all that talk about feeling all high and elated about LOVE? Because I don’t seem to be feeling even a pinch of it.

And someone just asked me, out of a joke, do I actually live in a guy-deprived world, because, seemingly, everything that I do during break is just to rush to the top level, and look at GUYS. HAHAHA. No, no obviously not. Im just there breathing in the fresh air, looking at stumpy trees and admiring the clouds. Right. That’s is exactly what im doing.

Have I mentioned, that I don’t seem to be getting the appetite of a humongous truck driver that I used to have lately? I cant even stomach the sight of a nice, thick bar of choc. Oh no. there must seriously be something wrong with me. Passing chocolate for water? What is happening to the world?

theres this person in my class who acts all weird and smart, likes hes a pro or something. Which is actually half true. Whatever. He actually looks over, which is really really WEIRD, coz like I said he acts weird, and probably WANTS to be weird. So it doesn’t matter actually, I tried piling a stack of books to block all weird looks away, only its not tall enough. Yet. I should probably lug a mirror from home, and put it right in front of me, so he can just look at his BEAUTIFUL, beautiful face staring back at him, whenever he looks over, but whats the point, hes probably just thinking, oh, whats that maths retard with the weird hair doing in my class. Weird hair meaning this paintbrush like tuft sticking out from the back of my head. Oh well.

i had a bad day

2004-12-31T23:04:00.000-08:00

all thanks to dad.

Its stupid, sometimes you think someone could actually understand, then it turns out to be the adverse. Or it was just me, being stupid enough to tell.

I swear, I should use my brains more for thinking, but maybe I just haven’t touched them in the last decade or so.

feeling weird.

2004-12-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

I have a sudden emotional attachment to fishes, and I don’t mind being called fishy. No, really. right now im continually scouring the mall for anything that has fishy patterns.

Last Christmas is my absolute favourite Christmas song! Its sad, but sounds nice. And Christmas songs are all over the radio now. I love Christmas, but too much of a good thing makes you sick. Its like chocolate cake, and now that I have a whole bunch sitting in my fridge, I don't really feel like eating it anymore.

But I totally love Christmas-it’s the one thing im crazy over, everything, from the trees to the presents and down to the log cakes. Its like I have a special attachment to it, like fishes. It does give a warm and fuzzy feeling, don’t you think? Christmas, I mean, not the fish.

Right now im trying to forget, absolutely everything about j, take it that I just don't know anything. Right, I don’t. which don't really matter, actually. I don't know enough about him to forget.

There seems to be many heartbroken souls all of a sudden, with all the msn stuff popping up about how heartbroken someone is, or how she still loves him, or how much she thinks of him still. And suddenly, I feel sick of all that sentimental stuff. Like im trying to get away from everything, or anything that sounds half-senimental.

I don't know what wrong with me, I might be possessed.

oh yeah.

2004-12-17T17:22:00.000-08:00

Finally, my blog seems to be moving, or rather, crawling along, instead of just hanging dead over there.

Things seem to be going along fine lately.

But right now, all im craving for is a nice, big cake. Which is what im going to sink my teeth into tonight! Mmmmmmmm. Its sitting in the fridge right now.

Haven’t been online since the start of the week, due to the non-stop watching of a hk drama on vcd. it’s fantastic, seriously. Other than the name, which is called lady flower fist or something, which sounds stupid, but the show really rocks.

Which adds on to my non-stop drooling of the lead actor, and I know it sounds so passé, but that guy is so romantic, its endearing. Or whatever it is.

Its my birthday tomorrow, and im all set out to go out and have fun. definitely.

I realize im beginning to spell remember as remeber. weird. Its like when you’re typing real fast everything gets all jumbled up. Really. So believe ends up as belive and moment becomes moemnt and so on..

I think im really taking every single little detail too seriously, and I truly need to relax. Let me meet someone funny, I need a laugh badly. A hug would be nice too.

forget it.

2004-12-05T20:20:00.000-08:00

Have been thinking about j lately (okay, just a little only) , and now I seriously don't get it. Like, whats the BIG deal about him in the first place, huh? Came to the conclusion that hes really not much different from anyone else. And, coming to think about it, its not like I really know that much about him. God, I don’t even know his FULL name. This is like just a big joke.

I mean, its not like im that serious about it anyway.

Really, im NOT serious at all.

That has to be it.

then I saw him at the mall today. (or maybe someone that resembles him a lot) with his parents. But was too busy trying to get out of his sight, I didn't really notice if it was him.

also saw the rest of the guys later. (urh, chee huat alvin and the rest) might be after basketball practice? Im not that sure.

Was actually at the mall with dad, getting some textbooks and all. He was getting all naggy and on my nerves, as usual, but since I scored a chocolate bar off him (how RARE is that, if you know what I mean) I should just forget it.

sweeet.

2004-12-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

Urrh. This blogskin.

So pink. so sweet. so cute. (I know what you're going to say)

So not me.

But hell, its nice. and simple.

whats with this.

2004-11-18T21:50:00.000-08:00

you decided to get along / and move on with your life / hang out with your friends / and make a joke out of mine / i didnt know what day it was / how it began / that you just suddenly / werent the same / did you remember / how we used / to get along / or did you just chose to forget / and move on / was it me / or something i did / that you suddenly / chose to ignore / i used to think / its all my fault / but now i know better / it aint at all / still i missed / the things we did / talking all night / as if there was no end / i would pretend / i dont care at all / but now i'll admit / i do care alot / i do wonder / how things will be / if you still cared / would we always be almost like best friends / there are times / the tears still flow / i really missed you / does it show /